“My bike has been bloody nicked. I’ve barely had it a month and it was hardly worth stealing. The only way it would be worth pinching is if I caught the person stealing it.
I’ve had a look on eBay but couldn’t see anything so I’ve had to just e-mail the police and wait for them to do absolutely nothing about it.
So, if you’re in the Malvern area and know of a cheap Trax TR.1 mountain bike for sale, give me a shout. I’d be most interested in meeting the seller.”
I’ve just had a phone call from the cop shop and they have my bike along with the offender. Well done chaps, I’m pleased as punch. Best get down to Halfords and buy some proper locks this time. They’ll be worth more than the bike but so be it.
I forgfot to mention to you that the bike had only just been fitted with a horn, one of those clown jobs with a squeezy bulb. About an hour after that another copper rang me, asked about the colour and confirmed the make and model. I also told him that it had a comedy horn on it, a clown’s one with a bulb, to which he replied “Yes, it’s definitely your bike and we’ve got the offender too.”
Apparently the chap had admitted theft of two bikes and I should be able to have my bike back soon. I asked him how the bloke had been caught and he said that he had taken a quantity of Class A and member of the public had reported him making noises.
Basically, he was off his face and playing with the horn. We had lots of fun with that horn even though we were a little bit pissed. I can only imagine the time the thief was having watching unicorns and rainbows fart out of the other end.
Thank you again to the British Transport Police and the Boys in Blue at Malvern.